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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, tinyviking. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 777.18.793.00 * tinyviking has joined 777.18.793.00 <tinyviking> This is Athelstan. I am not sure if this is set up correctly. <tinyviking>** Leave your letter and I will return it as soon as I am able.

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» I am not sure how often you check your device, but I wanted you to know that I am well. I woke as the sun set, yesterday.

[ He wondered if he ought to tell the other the price of what this death had cost him; he'd temporarily lost the memory of his friends' names, along with one of his wings the last time. This time he hadn't lost any appendages, but... Upon waking he had combed through his memories, trying to find gaps, and this time, had managed to find the answer fairly quickly.

He could not remember his parents. Not their faces, their voices, their names... ]

» There seems to be no lasting physical damage, aside from the usual weariness that follows such an experience.

» ...

» I think we should talk, when you are ready.

[It takes him a little bit to respond, mostly because he's weighing his words, typing them out slowly, deleting and typing them out again.]

I am so glad to know that you are truly back again. Believe me when I say that I never intended any of this to happen.

[The guilt is still overwhelming, knowing what nightmares he must have caused to someone who had shown him kindness.]

Give me a time and a place and I will come. It is not for me to decide when such a conversation occurs. [He's not ready. He's never going to be ready. But he also doesn't have the moral standing to avoid this.]

I know.

I offered myself, Athelstan. You were in need, and we are friends. I could not have lived with myself if you had harmed a child, or any other innocent, when I was there readily enough. I took a gamble, and for it, we both came out the better.

I am well, and you were able to regain your control. For the suffering my offer caused you, I am sorry. I will say as much when we see each other again.

Would you come to my rooftop? Is tonight too soon for you?

[ Enjolras wants this out of the way, wishes to reassure the other so much as he can- and get the ugly anger he feels for Athelstan having left him in such a state instead of killing him out of the way. ]

I never wanted you to offer yourself. I would rather have met my own end than harm you or anyone in that state. Grantaire has made it clear that he will not allow me to accept any such offerings from you again, though I hope I never again reach the point where I am that far gone.

I will be there tonight, yes.

[Even though he's kind of dreading this.]

Good. I will be glad to put this ugly business behind us both.

[ For now, he did not touch upon what Grantaire had said. Grantaire could not speak for Enjolras, and he would make that as clear as he could to Athelstan when the other came to see him. ]

[Ugly business is right. He's dreading this, wondering how it will go, if he'll lose a friend or if they will be able to work things out. But he comes to the roof when night falls, as promised. His wings make soft rustling sounds as he lands on the edge of the roof, moonlight visible through the thin skin of the membranes. He steps down from the ledge onto the roof proper and they stretch, slowly fold back up against his back.

His tail is swishing in anxiety.]

Enjolras?

Athelstan. [ There was a note of grateful relief in Enjolras' tone; he wasn't sure whether or not the other would even come. Could he have blamed the other for it? Of course not- but that did not change the fact that they had much to speak of, now, and Enjolras was grateful for the opportunity. ]

Come, sit, if you would like. [ Enjolras gestured gently to a set of chairs that had been brought up to the roof for his birthday- and simply never returned back downstairs. They looked as though they had been stolen from the cafe; but as it was Enjolras' shop, was it really theft?]

[He takes a quiet breath to get a handle on himself, reminds himself that Enjolras is not an unreasonable man nor a man prone to violence and revenge. They can talk this out like civil adults. Athelstan nods, moves to sit down in the unoccupied chair, his wings folding in tight against his back and his tail curling over his lap, the crooked tip still twitching back and forth.]

I admit this conversation will be difficult for me to have, but... you are right, that it needs to be had.

[ Enjolras settled into a chair opposite the other, throwing his massive wings over the back of it, instead of trying to sit upon them, or tuck them in. They were simply too large and unruly to manage comfortably that way. Sighing, for a moment he sat in silence with the other, staring down at the space of concrete between them with a frown as he considered where to start.

After a moment, he rose his head again. To meet the other's gaze, if Athelstan would show him the courtesy. ]

I do not blame you for what occurred. I asked you to do it; I forgive you for it. Let us begin there. I would ask you, too, not to judge yourself so harshly for engaging in that which was freely given.

Enjolras is back.

In light of this, I confess regret over some the things I said to you.

I know, he contacted me. I am glad to hear it. It was never my intention to hurt him in any way.

That said, I am still responsible, and my feelings won't change that.

You have nothing to regret. Your reaction was entirely justified.

If it were that I would not be feeling regret right now. On occasion I enjoy the fanciful thought that I am a reasonable man and I am capable of being so in this instance.

[It also helps that he and Enjolras are, as of this moment, in a very good place. And he knows too that Athelstan is still without Ragnar.]

Say what you will about responsibility, I am still sorry for what was said when I feared the permanence of Enjolras' condition. You are a good man, Athelstan. On occasion I cannot believe how good, and as long as I am stricken by ugly honesty, it is offensive to men such as I, who have grown so accustomed to doing the bare minimum.

I hurt someone you care for. Believe me, you have nothing to regret, and I understand the things that were said, your anger. There is no doubt in my mind that I deserved it and more.

Please don't. I am not a good man, I hurt people who did not deserve that pain. This place is no excuse for a loss of control and for that I am the one who is sorry, to Enjolras and to you.

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